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 Review #3980623 |
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| (4.0)| Hello there!  I am Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH reviewing your story as a judge for the
Thanks for entering! Hello Elfin Dragon-finally published  !This is a Simply Positive Review.  Thank you for the birds eye view of military travel from a C-141. I could picture the interior, with the pallets and the orange mesh-type seating. I almost felt cold thinking about the lack of insulation in a plane, may thousands of feet in the air.  Observations: "The military thinks of travel in a different mann90er," manner "With the 141’s we can transport not only more patients but if needed(,) medical equipment to bases around the world as well." "If you really wanted sleep? With just over 100 people on board, it was cramped on the jump seats and you either slept sitting up or you found a space on top of the pallets in the back and caught a few winks." You have a fragment, here. I think it would be better to combine it with the next sentence.  TRY: There are over one hundred people on board, thus trying to sleep is difficult. The choice is, either sleep sitting up on the jump seats or find a spot on top of one of the pallets. "But once there, it was then time to unpack and set up for the massive exercise. It was a massive effort. " Repetitive use of "massive" within consecutive sentences. You hit the Journey Through Genres, travel prompt, nicely. It was an interesting journey through my mind's eye.  Good luck with the contest, and again, thanks for entering!  Regards, Web~Witch
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You responded to this review 04/22/2014 @ 4:38pm EDT