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Review #3980633
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Hello there! *Smile*

I am Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH reviewing your story as a judge for the
SURVEY
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E)
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
#1803133 by Writing.Com Support


Thanks for entering!

Hello, Dandelion Man !
This is a Simply Positive Reiew. *Tagv*

This was such a beautiful story of a woman and her two children, struggling to get from Poland to America where they could rejoin their husband/father.

It shows the reader all the hardships they had to endure on their travels. Not to mention the separation of family members for three years.

Observations:

*Note* The eldest son had very little mention, thus the reader doesn't know when he went to America and his age and why nobody has heard from him. That leaves the reader dangling a bit and wanting answers.

*Note3* There are name issues which become confusing, as they change within the story. See below.


It was in early April, the seventh I think, that Pan Koralewski arrived on Ellis Island. He had traveled on the steamer ... Pan is the father?

As Pani Koralewska boarded the train a chorus of well wishes and admonitions rained down on her. Pani is the mother's name? Pretty close name to the father's. However, further down the story her name changes to, "Bronisława" a couple times and then returns to Pani. *Confused*
*Down*

Once everything was collected and repacked, Bronisława and her children walked through the yard to a narrow trolley ...

Roman and Joana were the envy of the neighborhood and they walked the streets with their heads held a little higher knowing they would soon be traveling once again to see their father. Once again? This implies they've traveled to see him at an other time.

Seasoned passengers new (knew) this meant that the shore was approaching.

This was a very good story, but for the confusion of names and the mention of the eldest son whose character was never developed. With a word count contest, it is best to eliminate minor characters, that are merely mentioned and dropped. It leaves the reader with questions.

Otherwise, well done!



Good luck with the contest, and again, thanks for entering! *Delight*

Regards,
Web~Witch



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