%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3980790 |
| Hello there!  I am Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH   reviewing your story as a judge for the
Thanks for entering! Hello, there, Lisa Noe  !This is a Simply Positive Review.  Kudos on choosing such a fine subject matter. I think spreading the word on the benefits of volunteering for charitable work is a good thing.   Your story had fine imagery, so the reader could use her senses to bring them alive in her mind's eye.Observations: I look in my review rearview mirror wondering if someone is out there. "As I travel, I speed up as to try and escape the situation, paranoia   Is creeping in to the mix. " An "orphan" phrase, removed from its parent sentence by clicking the "enter" button, by mistake. "At Camp Blanton, we were able to see what real beauty in nature truly was." Tense change. TRY: At Camp Blanton, we could see how beautiful nature is. It condenses the sentence, eliminating extra adverbs. "It is so peaceful here and quiet, unlike the noisy city of Chicago, where I’m from(.)" However, you should rephrase this sentence so you do not end it with a preposition. TRY: This place is peaceful, unlike Chicago, my former residence. "They are good and descent [decent] people with good values, they have had to overcome great hardships in many cases. They are not the stereo-typical hicks they have been portrayed as " "As I set [sat] there looking out over the field of the camp I smiled at the thought of helping to make someone else’s life a little easier. " I liked the spiritual ending.  Good luck with the contest, and again, thanks for entering!  Regards, Web~Witch
|
||||||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 04/22/2014 @ 11:45pm EDT