A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]

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NoraTheGreat

This is review #3 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today, because I found you in a new authors list. I was eager to see what you had in your port and this caught my eye.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
  I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. It is a pleasure surfing through your port, trying to decide what to review.


An exercise in writing that transports the reader back to give them an idea of where it all started. Sense of smell can be a very powerful memory trigger and the writer uses that sensory to create a setting for this short piece.


Just a few technical issues to point out :
~Sentence two has repetitive wording. I would substitute one of the mixture for combination. This keeps the wording true and in conjunction with the rest of the sentence.

~The third sentence is incomplete.

~Add an extra line of spacing between paragraphs to make it easier on the reader's eyes.


This short piece leaves the reader wondering if the focus is of the school and the smells, or if it is the relationship and how it is falling apart. Ask yourself what the message or plot of the story is, and answer the questions to support the who what when and why of that.

If the main purpose is to show the broken relationship and how it stemmed from the high school, then bring the story full circle to show that. You start out strong, but mention "no matter how many times"...does this mean you have returned to the school...why are you there....You can answer this right after your last sentence with Now, I am back in high school, walking down the same halls where it all started, smelling that same odoriferous concoction that you can only find in an enclosed high school hallway, heading to the principals office to pick up our daughter." Something like that, to tie it all in. We have a great start, and middle, but no ending to round it out.


Overall this is a great beginning, and I look forward to seeing more. I like the start of this and how you bring the sense of smell to help draw an image for the reader.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .