Hi Misawa

My name is Ken and I'm reviewing your work "Invalid Item"  on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge" . I chose this particular poem because of its relationship to Earth Day.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done - a real testament to conservancy and love of nature. We are keepers here.

Creativity/Impact:
Although this started as an ode to spring, it quickly turned to one of protection of the earth. The relationship between rebirth and our helping to reverse the harm we've done is a great parallel.

Message/Theme:
You advertised this as a "spring" poem but the message is much deeper. As you state We who serve as keepers here have much to do which I think is the real heart of the theme.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: "A New Beginning" I thought your title was simple, direct, and low-key until I read the poem. It obviously had a deeper meaning. Since the title is the reader's first glimpse of what may be coming, "A New Beginning is a bit disarming and offers little in the way preparation for the flowing verses that they'll find. I liked that it reflected both the coming of spring and our need to renew our obligation to the earth.

Grammar/Wording: You chose words that supported the theme and created the feel of the earth reawakening and the coming of spring. The transition to the real message was handled deftly and seemed to flow from the first two verses. The final line, however, was a bit vague. Alas too soon the course is run I interpreted as a need to hurry because time is running out but I'm not sure that was your intent.

Form/Flow: Written in quatrains using couplets (an AABB rhyme) using tetrameter (mostly ), your words flowed effortlessly. One of the most important aspect of making a poem flow is rhyme especially when you're using couplets. I always look to see whether the rhymes were natural and sensible or artificial and forced and whether you used "perfect rhymes" or "near rhymes." All of your rhymes were solid and supported the flow.

Poetic devices: Nice use of alliteration (spring sweet spring, crisp clean) as well as assonance and consonance made this flow smoothly.

Emotion/Imagery: There was a light, joyful tone to the beginning which turned serious as the poem progressed. I think you captured the feelings of obligation and a need for action very well. Some of the images were a bit confusing to me such as That lifts to ply the streams above which I finally decided were air streams {?}.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
I found this to be enjoyable read. Your concern for the environment comes through clearly and I found myself nodding in appreciation for the message. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2014,

Ken

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