Hi gummyhearts . Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review and rate your item on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group" . I am not an expert but I will give you my honest and positive opinion of your work. I chose your poem because I saw you are a newbie here.


Overall Impression:

I enjoyed your poem very much, even though it made me feel quite sad. I know it is a dark poem, but it seemed to simplify the passing of time, and life, with ease. I read it as the natural progression of age taking away the ones we love. Inevitable loss, yet we all feel isolated in our grief. You did a good job getting me to think about the words and give my own interpretation. Well done.


Suggestions:

My only suggestion for a change in the poem is the last line. You have written, "As one by one they go." Because of previous repetition, I would suggest, "As one by one they go from me."

The description is the "Selling point" to draw a readers interest and make them want to click on the item! "The Way They Go" is okay, but doesn't grab a readers attention. This is your chance to grab a reader scrolling down a list of items to review. Try a little mystery or a question. "Where do they go?" Just a suggestion, but you will get more readers if they want to find out what the title and description are referring to.

Poetry form: You have not mentioned if you have used any poetry form. I can therefore only guess that it is freestyle. I put a footnote in my poetry to let reviewers know what form is being used. Even freestyle/freeverse needs to be identified as such. My own poems are usually the same style so I add the footnote: Freestyle poetry. Each stanza is a quatrain and I follow an AABB rhyme scheme. You might want to consider using a dropnote to add a description of the form used, or a link to a description. You can find out how to make a dropenote and other helpful tools here: WritingML Help


Summary and rating:

A very good effort indeed. I enjoyed reading and reviewing your work. I will stop by again, as I have had a good look around your port and would like to review another poem - or two. Oh, and congratulations on your graduation in a couple of weeks time.

Don't forget this is just my opinion and I am NO expert!

It does however, deserve the Stars I have rated it!

Regards,

Sisco

"I am very well balanced, what I lack in ability, I make up for with enthusiasm."


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .