Robyn: Your story was beautiful and well told. Mara was a sweet girl. She reminded me of Cinderella. Her family only looked to her for what she could provide them and the other children mocked her. Mara followed her heart, however, and found her destiny.

All of your characters were believable. The pushy parents, the frustrated parents (Are you going to pick someone this time? It's been eight years since you started the trials.), and the immature children.

I enjoyed the baby dragons and the idea of raising them like baby chicks, away from their mothers. What a wonderful idea that the words spoken to the hatchlings would have such a dramatic effect on their beginnings.

Your description of the testing chamber put me right in the center of the action, with Mara. I could smell and see everything.

Minor corrections:
The other children had said it was a grand room filled with lords, ladies, and mountains of gold.

The smelled filled her nose and made her mouth water. When someone's mouth waters, it usually means they want to eat something. As comforting as the smell might be, reminding her of her refuge in the family barn, I do not thing she wants to eat what she smells in the testing room.

With the emphasis that her mother placed on the phrases she wanted Mara to repeat, I would have liked to see two of the other potentials say something similar, having been coached by their parents.

Good job.
--- Cheryl (Lady Crow)