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Review #4014769
Viewing a review of:
 I Lost A Nephew Today  [E]
A tribute to my nephew Jeff.
by glowz
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC. *Penb*
This is a Simply Positive Review.


My heart goes out to you and your family with the loss of your nephew. Words cannot console the heart of a mother whose child predeceases her. *Cry*

*Quill* Your poem captures all those feelings you've drawn from your experience as an aunt, suffering the loss along with the family, yet not able to even fathom the grief of the parents and sibling at this time.

It's very real, and shows the reader an image of such a loss, through your eyes. *Vignette7*

Observations:


"but nothing can compare to the pain of loosing a son," [losing]

*Note0* Many of the lines seem a bit fractured, losing the rhythmic flow of the words. I suggest breaking up the lines that are longer and overflow, leaving a word or two in the next line.

EXAMPLE:


"I hear myself really grieving, and I feel myself really
hurting;
but nothing can compare to the pain of loosing a son, and a
brother."

TRY:

I can hear my grieving,
and I'm feeling the hurt.
But, nothing is comparable
to the pain they endure,
of losing a son and a brother.

Just a little rewrite, breaking up the longer lines and giving the reader a chance to pause and absorb the feelings.


*Bird* This poem is a lovely tribute to your nephew.

May God bless you and your family, during this difficult time. *Cross2*

Regards,
WebWitch






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