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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4015681
Review #4015681
Viewing a review of:
 a pendulum  [18+]
one of the first tries to write in english :)
by Somehow
Review of a pendulum  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC. *Books2*
This is a Simply Positive Review.


*Blue* Wow, this is quite good for being a first attempt at writing English. *Smile*
Your poem has a lyrical flow that is lovely to the ears when read out loud.


The lines paint pictures in my mind of fears and trying to overcome them. You make the theme of being scared sound smooth and easy, yet through those rhythmic lines the fear is evident. *Bell*


Good job!

Observations:

"in [the] density
of purest pain"

"if there's just nothing
appearing in a forms[form]
which taunt to play" [taunts]

"though for a moment when
I stopped believe" [believing]

You did a good job with this. With just a little edit, your poem will shine bright! *Staro*

Until next time -- write on!

Regards,
Web~Witch





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