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Review #4015935
Viewing a review of:
 poem  [E]
about my mother and I going though the struggle of life
by check
Review of poem  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, check . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to be reviewing your poem that I found on the "Read a Newbie" page. Please keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your work better than anyone else. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this completely. *Cool*


*Camera* First Impressions

My first impression of the poem is that it's emotional and expressive. It's a genuine expression of your feeling on the relationship between you and your mother.


*Buttonplay* Subject Matter

This poem is all about struggling through the rough times in life and coming out on the other side unharmed. It's easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of life and not realize that good things that we have. In your poem, you show how grateful you are to have someone there with you through the bad things. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your mother.


*Gears* Flow and Readability

It's hard to get a feel for the flow because the layout isn't like that of a poem. I can't get a real rhythm at this point, but it did hold my attention as I was reading. I could understand what you were talking about.


*Thumbsup* What Worked

The best part of the poem is reading about the bond between mother and son. So often you see people that have rough relationships with their parents, so it's cool to see the other side of this. The fact that the two of you can be there for each other in good times and bad sets a good example for the type of relationships children and parents should strive for.


*Questionbl* Could Use Work

We need to work on the layout of the poem. Use separate stanzas with a consistent amount of lines in each. For example, just using it in its current state:

Mother, I know we're not happy
with the way we live.
But in times like these,
we must still give our respect and love.

God knows our heart,
but we must make our own decisions.

Et cetera...


Once you have it all broken apart in a poem format, work on creating a consistent amount of syllables per line. For example, if you want the first line to stay the same with nine syllables, try to make the second line match that amount of syllables: "with the way we currently live" or something like that.

I would also suggest creating an eye-catching title so the reader will see it and want to read it. "Poem" is just too generic when there are so many good titles you could use. "No One Like Mom" or "Mother and Son" or anything else will be more unique.


*Peace* Final Thoughts

Overall, I appreciate the sentiment behind the poem and I enjoyed reading about your relationship. I think the poem needs to be edited on formatting and layout. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/16/2014 @ 10:58am EDT
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