Greetings, Ryan Monahan ! And Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you are finding what you need here. If you have any questions, be sure to ask!

I don't believe I've ever done a commercial review! This is good! I like it! And, unbeknownst to many, I like zombie commercials, lol. Not sure where you could send your idea, but I think it's worth looking into.

Everything looked great. I found no spelling typos. Your punctuation was fine. The only thing that slightly distracted me, and perhaps because it's been pounded into my head all these years, is if a number in one digit, you spell it out. For instance in your 1st paragraph, last sentence:

They look down and 2 of them (1 girl and 1 guy) start to cry.

You might want to change it to...

They look down and two of them (one girl and one guy) start to cry.

Favorite lines...

The guy who is crying says: "If only he had a (insert sandwich name) before he died."

Good job! You should think about becoming a commercial writer!!!

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K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .