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Review #4018418
Viewing a review of:
 Jeb  [E]
A poem for the 100 words or less newbie contest
by horrorfan87
Review of Jeb  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, horrorfan87 . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to be reviewing your poem that I found on the "Please Review" page. Please keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your work better than anyone else. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this completely. *Cool*



*Buttonplay* First Impressions

I like the title of your poem and the general idea behind it. It reads like a quick, simple poem about a man named Jeb who meets a woman named Deb and lives happily ever after. Whether or not Jeb is really dead or not, I'm unsure. Everyone thought he was dead at least, and he met another woman who was dead. They sound like civilized zombies.


*Thumbsup* What I liked

I liked the beginning of the poem and the concept behind it. It's a love story between two dead people. I guess there really is someone for everyone. I also liked the poem ended on a light note with Jeb and Deb living happily ever after. It's like a dark romance poem.


*Skull* What Could Use Work

My biggest issue with the poem is that the rhyming feels forced while reading it. It's like the focus was more on making everything rhyme with Jeb and dead than on writing a meaningful poem. The first few lines aren't so bad with it, but once we get to "with such a small head, he never slept in a bed, only once was he fed", it feels like we're just trying to rhyme rather than making sense.


*Peace2* Summary

Overall, I can see a lot of potential in your poem. I thought it was cool that there was another dead person for Jeb to spend his life with. There are a lot of places you could have gone with this poem and I like where it ended up. My biggest suggestion would have to do with the language used and the rhyming, which felt forced as I was reading. Thanks again for sharing.




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