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Review #4018752
Viewing a review of:
 Loss  [13+]
A poem which could be interpreted on several levels
by kelly
Review of Loss  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC.*Penb*
This is a Simply Positive Review!


*Dropb* The word "loss" has many interpretations in relation to it. A loss could be a death, an abandonment or break-up; it could also mean something desired is missing.

*Key* Since there is a mention of a "he," this could be a loss through death or abandonment by this person. Either way, the heart feels the pain and there is the knowledge that "he" will never return.

It is a subject matter experienced by all of us at one time or another in our lives. *Captainwheel*

Observations:

*Note0* I detect a more free verse type of poem, even though there is a rhyme. It is not structured in a specific poetry form. That said, even free verse needs to have some discipline, to bring the wave of emotions to the reader in a fluid way, with rhythmic flow, so as to keep the reader from stalling over a part which breaks-up the rhythm.


"soar thru the tree limbs"
"Where the snowflakes drift down thru the clouds"
"Where the brazen fiery autumn leaves drift thru the sky,"

[Through] It is wise to not use slang abbreviations in your poetry, unless the poem is based on a particular form of street speech, colloquial talk, etc. This poem was not that type. Thus it is a rarely acceptable to the reader and may cause them to rate lower due to it.

"Somehow, it should have been more, the magnitude of who he was should of [have] cut deeper to more."

*Note0* This is the ending of your poem and you want to make a lasting statement with impact that will linger with the reader.

*Idea* TRY:

There should have been more.
The magnitude that describes
the quaking in my soul,
and deeper cuts in my heart;
that which was he -- to me.

This is merely an example of course. You will find your own perfect words to conclude your poem, that comes from your muse's soul.

I hope this has been helpful. *Teddy*

Your poem has great potential. It just needs a little *Cut* & *Paste*
and a bit more *Pencil* to shine even brighter! *Starg*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch




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