Hello abeckert23 !

I found your story "Don't Eat Like An Idiot" on the review a newbie page and I enjoyed reading it.

I am not an English major or an expert in grammar. I am simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work.

I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression: I enjoyed the story as it unfolded. I was initially lost with the first paragraph but I quickly realized it was Rita commenting.

Plot:I liked the plot. Rita knows who she is and what she wants. Dave on the other hand seems to be at her mercy.

Scene/Setting:I liked the setting with Rita doing what she does best, cooking and making excuses to Dave why she shouldn't write another book. Dave has his hands tied on the other end of the phone. He is trying to convince Rita to write and once he accomplishes that, he realizes she is cooking and he cannot enjoy the taste or the aroma. (I loved this )

Characters:Rita seems to have complete control over Dave while he seems to pleads with her to do what he wants. She seems to have the power in this relationship.

Grammar and Mechanics:Everything looked great to me

Suggestions:I do not have any suggestions for you. I thought the story was well written and the the exchanges between the two characters were flowed well. I could almost smell the Rita's quartered chicken.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .