Hello Robyn is PUBLISHED! ,

Thank you so much for entering "Invalid Item"  into The First Round of "Invalid Item" .

My name is Darleen and I'll be reviewing your prose piece as an official judge of this contest and want to remind you that I realize that writing is a very personal experience, and some criticism can be taken personally.

Keep in mind that I'm merely basing my review off my own personal interpretation of your work and don't feel obligated to use any suggestions that may lie within. I consider myself a forever student.

Hopefully you'll find this review helpful and encouraging!



You got me with the characters, the setting, the fantasy of this little girl, and the mystery of the girl on the swings. The imagination of this little girl was so well written, I wasn't sure at times what was real and what as imagined. I enjoyed the surreal feel it gave the piece and felt like it fit perfectly with the entire piece.




There are a few characters but the most important in this tale is Amisa. The young seven year old girl with a very vivid imagination and a heart made of pure gold. Her personality brings the entire tale to life in the vivid mixed world of a child's imagination against the background of the real world.





The most confusing part of the story for me but not in a way that makes the story bad. We see everything from Amisa's eyes and I pictured it just as she did, then when it changes at the end, I'm not sure if it's because of what happens or if we're now seeing the world that truly existed. in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter because both interpretations leave that surreal feeling that makes this piece such a great read.





A vibrant imaginative girl plays at the playground with her friends and is so friendly and welcoming no one feels left out, except the mysterious girl on the swings. Amisa wants to include her badly but the other children won't let her. They distract her and pull her away.

One night Amisa's golden heart overflows and she goes out after dark to share a cookie with the mysterious girl and we learn why the children have been so insistent on her avoiding the girl on the swings.




Amila's nature, her conscious and personality of being so kind and welcoming to every child conflicts with the intentions of the girl on the swings. I don't think the girl means to be cruel, I felt she was so desperate she was willing to do anything to not be left alone again. Unfortunately it cost the kindest girl dearly.




I can't give it away but the conflict coincides with the Climax which was executed almost perfectly.



The only suggestions I'd have is the Amisa's mother in the end continuously calling her to come home but Amisa ignores her calls yet mom does nothing to come check on her or get her. My son is Six and we live 50 feet from the park and if he didn't come after the first or second time I called him sternly to come home, I'd be out there as quick as a ninja. This was the only part of the story that didn't flow well for me and it's an easy fix I think.



I cant pick a favorite part. It was all written so well that I can't enjoy one part without another. The colorful world and imagination of Amisa, the unexpected ending, every detail was well done and spelled out that I felt was seeing and feeling exactly what Amisa was. I love it all.




Amazing job, Robyn! You have a wonderful talent, I hope to read more of your work and I hope you enter in all the Summer Rounds.

I enjoyed reading your work and hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .