Hi, Jess! I'm working my way through "The Challenge" , and one of the tasks is to review an item in the Fashion genre. I groaned when I saw the genre, as I didn't immediately think "fashion poem".

Some things I Like:

I love this piece. The refrain is creepy but so fitting. I love what you did with it. The onomatopoeia is pretty effective as well. I tend to use that particular technique often myself, so clearly I'm drawn to it.

Your have some phrasing in here that I adore. "draped-silk skin" is the strongest in the entire piece for me. Excellent for an intro.

The "beat in fashion's crazy zoo / A striking creature, wonderful and weird" is awesome, and the visual it brings to mind is very appropriate. For some reason, I couldn't help but think of a giraffe, as models so often have bizarrely long necks.

Observations & Suggestions:

There aren't many things to complain about or suggest here. This is a well-crafted piece. There are a few things that aren't my preference I suppose.

"they jut right through" seemed too conversational when compared to the rest of the piece. The quoted bit of dialogue isn't even as conversational as this. Somehow, that "right" didn't work for me. It didn't really set the tone of the rest of the piece.

"fashion's crazy zoo" I looove these lines, but the "crazy" seemed like an odd choice to me. I have no suggestions for a change. It doesn't need a change really. I love the word itself, but using it to describe a zoo seemed too obvious I guess. Like calling a zoo "wild". Of course it is.

The use of all the dashes was a bit more than I'd prefer, but that doesn't matter a bit as far as quality is concerned. It is a preference and nothing more. I find them distracting if used more than once or twice in a poem. At least you used commas and dashes for different purposes within the poem. They aren't random, so I can't really complain.

Overall, I think this is a great piece! I generally try to give helpful reviews, but this poem doesn't need help. There are a couple of words that I think could be stronger, the one inconsistency in tone... that's it. Nothing useful really. Anyway, well done! It's a great piece!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .