Hello PatrickB ,

Thank you so much for entering The First Round of "Invalid Item" .

My name is Darleen and I'll be reviewing your prose piece as an official judge of this contest and want to remind you that I realize that for some, writing is a very personal experience, and some criticism can be taken personally.

Keep in mind that I'm merely basing my review off my own personal interpretation of your work and don't feel obligated to use any suggestions that may lie within. I consider myself a forever student.

Hopefully you'll find this review helpful and encouraging!



I'm usually not a fan of historical fiction but I think you've made me realize the possibilities of what we can do with it. It doesn't all have to be Victorian romance and Sherlock mysteries. This is the best one I have ever read. I think it helps that we like the same genre for sure, but the details you used were perfect in highlighting just the right places, emotions, and experiences throughout the poem without bogging it down. It was so smooth and engrossing I had to read it again to make sure I considered it poetic prose, because I was living in the story so much. Fantastic job!




Tasaryah~ A Romani Girl taken from her home during the time of Nazi Germany. We experience the story from her mind and her senses and memories.

Dajmi~ the Narrator's older sister. A focal point in her mind between and during the less painful torturing that kept the narrator from completely going insane.

Onkel Mengele ~ The head Doctor in charge of all of the experiments. He's the catalyst of the story approving of who lives and dies and how and when. Te lack of sympathy and any conscious in this character was well done.





The settings are various areas in which Tasaryah is tortured. Also the settings in which she buries herself in memory. There's wasn't a lot of detail that I can remember at this moment but I feel like it didn't need to be focused. Considering her state of mind and being drugged most of the time the last thing on her mind would be setting.




A Romani girl along with several other non-white (to Nazi standards) people are used in Nazi Germany experiments. These experiments vary most cruel while others provide relief thought the intention is quite the opposite when the "relief" is take away. We follow the narrator in her specific experience of Nazi Germany and the experiments she endured.





Conflict is plain old torture and cruelty for no other reason than being deemed unworthy of life because of one's race and appearance.




The climax for me was the idea that she was going to die and find the peace she so deserved after everything she had been through only to have her wake. "Ja, ja." Cruel but perfect ending.



Get this published!



Argh another one I have a hard time finding favorite parts. I have a ton of favorite parts in this piece. I can't pick just one!








All of these are merely a taste o the connections and descriptions sued to make this such a powerfully expressive story. That in it's telling makes me wonder, "What if that were me?" To imagine the cruelty is... beyond inhumane.



This review does not do this piece justice. I feel like I need a better vocabulary and be more aware of writing mechanics to explain how well written this was to me. But 5 stars should cover my feelings about your tale! I hope to read more of your work very soon.

I enjoyed reading your work and hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .