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Review #4021049
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by A Guest Visitor
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello there, PandaPaws Licensed VetTech
This is a Simply positive Review! *Suitdiamond*

*Nuclear* I love mysterious titles like this, so I was drawn into reading your poem.

The vividness with which you described the ship that seemingly appeared out of nowhere and then disappeared just as mysteriously, fills the readers mind with images -- and a creepy feeling.

*Hook* Now you've got me hooked! I love the creepiness of a ghost ship and my mind begins to wander. Where was this ship from, who was on it, what happened to them? The reader can color some of the canvas with all of the "what ifs." That's always a fun thing to do; your poem makes one ponder of the possible ships that could have been reported missing or went down during a storm, carrying the spirits of these souls. It was on a lake, not at sea. (Now had it been a freighter with 8 more souls aboard, I'd be thinking back to the 70s with the sinking of the SS Edmund Fitzgerald.) However, I do tend to get carried away with my imagination. And now, I've got the song stuck in my head. *Headphones*

Fine poem!


Observations:


Your poem had smooth sailing for the most part, but there were a few rough waves that interrupted the flow a little.


"The ship had a tear in its main sail;
soon the crowd at dock grew pale."
I think a quick reword would give this line more impact.
*Idea* TRY:
The crowd at dock, soon grew pale. You have that rhythmic, "soon and grew" closer together. *Wink*


"There were holes all along the bowline,
and things aboard were quite less than fine."
This sounds a little awkward a bit forced for the rhyme. Perhaps a rewording with other rhyme line endings?

EXAMPLE:


Holes spread along the bow of the boat
Obvious to all, it should never float

This is just a quick sample of changing words and boosting the impact. I'm sure you could do better, with a little time. *Wink*

Otherwise, with a little tweak here and there, this poem will be smooth sailing! *Boat*

Thanks for your dedication to the SP group. *Bigsmile*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch











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