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 Review #4025542 |
 | Mulligans and Mix-ups  [E] 8/07 What's fair is fair, right? The rules should be the same for all.  |
| Hey, Fivesixer . I've had some time to look through your port and I've chosen to review your prose, "Mulligans and Mix-ups" . Thank you for sharing with us and giving me the opportunity to write this review. Keep in mind that the following is just the personal opinion of one reader. I am not a professional. I hope that you’ll find something worthwhile and helpful here. If you don’t, feel free to dismiss this completely.   First Impressions Okay, I want to first say that I read many of your poems and the one that I liked the most was "The Soundtrack Of Summer Wind" of the five or six that I read. I might come back and do a review for that one later, because I felt like reviewing this one more right now. To start, I really liked the title of this one. It just caught my attention when I was scrolling down the page. I also liked the description because I figured it would be something I might be able to relate to easily. I think we all have that general feeling of, "everyone should have to follow the same rules", but I know it's easier to say you believe something than to follow it. Subject Matter I can't say exactly what you're talking about in this particular prose, nor do I care to try to break it down and apply it to you in any way. What I can do is tell you how I found myself relating to the prose and how it made me feel. You and I know each other pretty well, so you know that I sometimes get good advice with a bad tone that makes it simply not work. I feel like that's what we're discussing here. Good advice comes in many packages and when it's wrapped in a layer of scolding paper, the receiver isn't going to receive it the way the gifter wants it to be received. It gets hard knowing that people are trying to be helpful, but they don't understand what they're talking about. They're telling you that you've built these problems, whether they're mental problems in your head or physical problems like addiction. I feel like mental problems such as depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. are looked upon so poorly because people who don't deal with them feel like, "Hey, this is easy. Look at me! I don't have any mental problems and I'm not even trying. Therefore, you must be inventing these problems for yourself when really you should just not." I don't blame the people around us, and I'm sure you don't either. But it's hard when you have problems and you have someone telling you that you have all these nice things that you should be grateful and happy about. We try to do the best that we can and that sometimes doesn't put us on par with the people in our lives who feel like they're living better. It's not a matter of not being appreciative, it's a matter of trying to control a beast of a problem and it isn't so simple.  Things That Worked Here I'm just going to talk about my specific favorite parts of your poem. When looking at a poem like this, I'm trying to find the things that will make people understand how you feel, despite the fact that they might not have the same issues. My favorite lines for solely that purpose are, "Don't dictate for me why I should be happy... it doesn't work that way". I think that part really brings to light the nature of the issues that we're discussing here. If people aren't going to be able to relate on a personal level, the next best thing to do is make them understand what it's like when they're dealing with someone who does relate to it on a personal level. Please, no more saying that you're happy so I should be too! My favorite lines for personal reasons are, "It's tried, tired and old; this heart of my soul. Time to go home. Time to go home yet? Time to go away. For me, this was the most emotional bit of the poem and it's almost like thoughts pulled from my own mind. I can relate in ways I would never wish on anyone. I think that's the most well-written part of the poem by far.  Suggestions This is the part where I discuss specific issues with technical errors and whatnot. Unfortunately, I mean fortunately, I don't see any grammatical errors in the poem so I have nothing to write for that. On top of that, I don't really feel like I can add anything to the prose by making specific suggestions on the writing. I thought it all conveyed your point accurately, so there's nothing I would or could do with it.  Final Thoughts Lyn wasn't lying when she talked about how good your poetry is. I really enjoyed looking around your port and reading some stuff. It's such a weird thing because I read your blog and talk to you every day, but I've never really dived into reading any of your other things.  . Well, you have a new fan! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/11/2014 @ 12:32pm EDT