Review number # 3 of week Aug7-13, 2014

Hi Carly,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive. and for 30 Day Survivalist Camp Challenge

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Pain of Heatbreak I think you forgot the r in Heartbreak

First Impression: It definitely covers all the emotions and challenges man or woman faces beginning again.

What I liked: The opening stanza says a lot about being hurt, how much it exists and lingers longer than we want.

What needs your attention: In this stanza In response,
you run and hide,
Both emotionally and physically.
Moving passed that person
Not letting them see
The absolute pain they have caused.
The crushing blow they have wielded.

I think it would sound better moving pass that person.
Last stanza
Be brave and risk.
New love with buoy you
Bring you back from the brink
Of the living dead.

I think it would sound better with New love will buoy you rather than with.

I also think your poem would be more visually powerful if it was centered on the page. It shows an authors confidence in their work immediately to a reader.

Favorite Parts: My favorite stanza is the 6th one, I could relate how difficult it is to begin a new relationship. We do place ourselves in self imposed exile even when we have done nothing to deserve that exile. We were the one, hurt, betrayed and misled, yet we punish ourselves for the other party's behavior.

Overall Impression: Really powerful poem, needs a few tweaks but overall excellent job, Carly.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense pleasure!
Lyn




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .