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 Review #4025686 |
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| (4.5)| Hello, Noyoki . My name is Charlie and I’m happy to be reviewing your story today. Thank you for sharing with us and giving me the opportunity to write this review. Keep in mind that the following is just the personal opinion of one reader. I am not a professional. I hope that you’ll find something worthwhile and helpful here. If you don’t, feel free to dismiss this completely.   First Impressions When I saw a camping story in your port, I knew I had to go for it, considering our current 30DBC circumstances. I like the cover image and title you chose for this story. The description lets us know what we're going to be reading about while leaving a tease of suspension. It's the classic, "Maybe we shouldn't have done this" that is soon followed by a horrible turn of events. I also have to applaud you on your ability to write a full story in first person without using the word 'I'. That had to be a difficult task, I'm not even sure how I would have went about it!  Subject Matter Our main character in this story is a sitting duck, waiting in a tent for her fellow camping partners to return. The other two have presumably gone out to get food or help as our main character is talking about how hungry she is and how she didn't know how fast they could and would run out of food. There's a build up of tension throughout the story. We know something is going to happen and we're just waiting to find out what it's going to be. When she hears a click and then sees a light, I thought it was going to be someone who had discovered her tent, I just wasn't sure if it was going to be a nice person or a bad person. It ended up being something much different than I had anticipated.  Things That Worked I read a few of your stories while looking through your port and you have such a knack for describing things in a way that makes them come to life. In this story, there is endless imagery and descriptions used so that it plays out in the reader's mind like a movie. I felt so bad for her because I knew something was going to happen and she was all alone in her tent. I guess the ending resolution was better than what could have happened. What I liked the most about your story is that it was so realistic despite being quite absurd. I loved getting into the background of Ben and the main character. It was interesting to see how she was somewhat pressured into going camping when the guys told her about all these details of "wild times" you could have while camping. I think there's always that allure to try something new, especially if there's an air of danger about it.  Suggestions This part is just for my personal opinions on the story. Take what you like and throw the rest away! It's clear that you're an excellent writer with few mistakes made on the technical side. The only possible one I saw is where it says, "a crushing orange and black stripped weight" I thought 'stripped' should be 'striped' here. This isn't an actual problem, but something I thought I would mention as a reader. I don't quite 'get' the ending of the story. It's interesting and strange, but I'm not sure exactly what's going on. Is the reader losing her mind because she's so hungry and paranoid or did a lion actually escape from the zoo and come sleep in her tent with her? I'm assuming it would be the former, but if so, that mental breakdown happened quite fast as she went from being able to describe what started the trip and what was happening to thinking she's cuddling with a lion in no time. Again, just a thought!  Final Thoughts In all, I enjoyed my look around your port and had a lot of fun reading this story. I love the way you describe things and make them come to life. Thanks again for sharing with us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/11/2014 @ 9:04pm EDT