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 Review #4025734 |
| Hello, amy-Has a great future ahead  . My name is Charlie and I’m happy to be reviewing your story today. Thank you for sharing with us and giving me the opportunity to write this review. Keep in mind that the following is just the personal opinion of one reader. I am not a professional. I hope that you’ll find something worthwhile and helpful here. If you don’t, feel free to dismiss this completely.   First Impressions I've enjoyed my look around your port today. I love short horror stories, especially when they have a bit of a twist like this one. I think you have a natural talent for creating twists that the reader doesn't see coming beforehand. I'm not sure how I feel about the title, but I kind of like how simple and straight forward it is.  Subject Matter This story starts out with a bang, just like a flash fiction should. Our main character, Melissa, is already being chased through the night rain by an unknown figure when we catch up with her (no pun intended). What follows is a vivid description of her trying to escape this mysterious figure. Is it a person? Is it an animal? We just don't know! When the figure is revealed to be her father, there's a sense of comfort because, well, it is her father after all! We're happy to see that she's going to be saved at the last second by someone she trusts so much. But in typical Amy fashion, you threw us for a loop.   Things That Worked There were a lot of things I really enjoyed in this story. The way that you threw the reader into this already bad situation and then made it worse and worse pulled me in and made me want to keep reading. It held my attention from beginning to end. In a story of this length, it's hard to have a full beginning, middle, and end. You accomplished telling a complete story, and a good one at that. Of course, my favorite part is the end. There are always going to be questions like why did he do it. What caused their relationship to get to this point? But I will say that I didn't see the ending coming, even when her father came up and hugged her. I figured he was just driving down the road and saw her running around like a crazy person so he decided to pull over.  Suggestions This is where I'll talk about things you may want to take a look at or things that stood out to me. As far as technical issues, I think raincoat and raindrops should be one word instead of two. I also noticed that your sentences have a lot of introductory adverbs without commas following them. For example, Instinctively Melissa pressed against the tree. There should be a comma after instinctively here. The same goes for all the other sentences that start with introductory adverbs like, Quickly she turned and ducked into the trees.  Final Thoughts I thought this was a wicked cool story overall. I loved the twist ending, especially because I didn't see it coming ahead of time. I think there is a little bit of room for improvement on the technical side so the story can reach its full potential. Thanks again for sharing with us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"  .
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