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 Review #4026447 |
 | The Game  [E] Told from the point of view of a nine year old child. 100 word contest entry.  |
| (4.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Hello, cmfountain . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. Please let me know if you have any questions as you navigate the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely.   First Impressions I think the title could be a little more exciting, maybe something that holds more personality of the story. "The Game" could be about anything and it's slightly bland, but the description made me want to read the story.  Subject Matter This is an important topic that I think gets swept under the rug a lot. I remember playing sports in school and some of the more aggressive parents would scream from the sidelines, not just at their own kids but at other people's kids as well. My parents even had to confront an angry father one time because he wouldn't stop screaming at us. I'm glad that my parents knew better than to let an adult berate children in that way. The child in this story feels like a complete failure just because he dropped the ball and lost the game. He doesn't see sports as a way to have fun and get exercise, it's all about trying to impress his father and make him proud. When he doesn't win the game, he feels like a loser and his father's shame weighs on him heavily.  Things That Worked I like that you told this from the perspective of the child. I think it gives a more emotional impact when we can see things from their eyes. As adults, we have to be sensitive to children who are so impressionable at that age. If they feel like we are embarrassed by them, they will lose confidence and feel ashamed, which isn't something any kid should ever feel. I think the emotional impact in this story is great. I truly felt bad for the child when he realized his father was too ashamed to even yell at him. He would have rather been screamed at then looked down upon in shame. The last two lines are the most hard hitting because we see that this kid really does believe that he is a loser because of the pressure of the sport.  Suggestions I didn't see any technical mistakes in your story. The only possible thing that stood out to me was that you used "examples" instead of "example". The children were following the parents' example.  Final Thoughts Overall, I thought this was a good story and an important topic to speak about. Thanks again for sharing with us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/13/2014 @ 1:48pm EDT