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Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITLE, DESCRIPTION;: I liked both, short, to the point, although 'simple' doesn't really seem to apply to the storyline.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:: I felt this story had much added potential for drama that wasn't addressed, it comes across as more 'tongue in cheek' humour in some areas. I really would have liked to see an expanded version that goes more into Harley's day to day phobias and progress.

PLOT; FLOW;: Basic plot is strong and compelling, a little expansion would make this piece really stand out. Flow is relatively even and balanced throughout, I have noted any rough areas in the suggestions below.

Characters, Dialogue:: I didn't feel I really got to know this Doctor as a person, he seemed a bit unrealistic in places, example; why would he listen to janitor's advise on his new patient? Wouldn't he react more to an apparent suicide?
What villainous does Harley resemble in Batman? How come?
Dialogue is realistic in storyline, but what was the point of the Doctor belittling Harley's favored talent? Seemed unrealistic.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:: Your imagery of hospital corrider is excellent, I'd drop the Christmas turkey remark, pretty cold, could put readers off story. Also makes Doctor seem cold and uncaring, not good in his profession.
Emotion really seems lacking in either patient or Doctor, lacking isn't quite right with Harley, maybe left out in important areas, such as how she feels about herself, hospital, doctor, wouldn't all this be things doctor needed to know?

Favorite Lines/Parts::
I called her Harley.

SUGGESTIONS;:
me being her.. I was her psychiatrist. [ better flow]
How touching. delete, adds nothing, makes character cold, cynical, and a bit of a jerk.
cherry blossom lips.[ he's never seen her and why would a doctor care about that?
light bulb fixture [ more realistic]
Why would doctor need to smoke half a pack of cigarettes after a one hour interview? Add details, in dialogue or his thoughts.
Why would hospital staff allow Harley to cook dinner, tie doctors [ his] shoelaces, brush his teeth?
So you know what? I gave up and handed her one.
Instictively
seen saw someone
pretty cold thoughts for her doctor and why didn't he call 911 or staff?
trialled tried?


CLOSING THOUGHTS;
You have lots of potential in this piece, try re-working the ending to be more realistic, is Doctor worried about job? Superiors, mourns Harley? What motive did she have to end life when freedom was so close?


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