Hello lenie,

I found your story "Invalid Item"  to be a good read.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. I am simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your story was easy to read and follow. I almost got the sense that this was from personal experience. I found myself wanting to judge them and reprimand them but I would rather see them in church like that than not in church at all. Jesus being our example in all things was the master at loving and not condemning. His approach was to love, teach, and lead by example. We are not Jesus and do fall short of His glory, but we need to strive to be Christ like daily.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I thought there were some problems with the end of your story grammatically. I provided suggestions as to how I might change it. I hope you understand my remarks.
It seemed that they felt they are (were) in the (a)movie house and not in the church. At that (By this) time, I was really destructed. My attention was not anymore(no longer) in the mass. My mind (In my mind,) I was bullying them. I wanted to reprimand them but I cannot (could not) do it. I asked myself, "Is that how people behave (during) this time?" Well, it was very obvious.

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .