I see that you had many struggles in your youth while going through the school system. Also, having a disability, such as Autism, makes learning in the standard classroom very difficult. Different patterns of learning may require more time in the learning process than most of the students, thus the one-size-fits method of teaching doesn't reach those students.


Observations:

This paragraph needs to be broken apart and also needs streamlining. You have too many thoughts going on all at once.

You have many word repetitions. See underlined.


Before Aim. *Sigh* I wish there wasn’t a before Aim High. Before Aim High was, to put it simply, hell. But I suppose for the readers, they want to know why it was hell before Aim. I shall explain why. It started when I was in fifth grade. [Start new paragraph here.]
As a child with autism (http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism) [You can place this link in an author's note at the end of the story.] I was a follower. Whatever other kids did, I did it too. It didn’t matter if it was good or bad, I did it. [New paragraph]At the start of fifth grade, I was sitting next to this girl who made some bad choices (not really bad choices, but they were bad just the same). I of course followed her. )No need to elaborate -- bad choices are bad choices, and the reader doesn't need to know more, unless she is to be a major part of the story/article.) I was doing the same things she was doing, which didn’t make my parents very happy. They requested that the teacher move me away from the girl and they did. My school year was better after I moved away from the girl. The other bad thing that year was the teacher. She wasn’t mean-she just didn’t understand the issues I had and didn’t know how to handle them. But I had NO idea the hell that was about to come.

TRY: (Three paragraphs)

1) My academic life before Aim High was upsetting to say the least. I was diagnosed Autistic, yet the teachers expected me to learn at the same rate as the other students. She would not give me extra time to finish my work and made my life there, miserable.

2) It all started when I was in the fifth grade. I hung out with a girl who got into trouble a lot, because of her choices. I was a follower, so I did what she did. Soon, my parents asked my teacher to separate the two of us in the classroom. The rest of the school year went smoother for me.

3)Once the poor choice in a friend was solved, I still had issues with my teacher. She didn't understand the hell I was going through.





"Sixth grade. This is a grade I’ve been trying hard to forget. In simple terms: new school, new teachers and new kids. Let me go into a little more detail about what this means. New school: it was much bigger than my elementary school and it took me longer than five minutes to get me to my next class."

You tend to repeat things for emphasis, but it's more distracting than helping to make your point.

EXAMPLE: The sixth grade is one I am still trying to forget. It always starts out with adjusting to new teachers and kids, which was tough enough to handle, but it was also a bigger school and it took me much longer to get to my classes. Then continue telling the reader what the difficulties were, in a new paragraph.

You should skip the interjections placed in many of the paragraphs, with all of those parentheses. They are distracting. Try to finish your sentence, one thought at a time and then move on to the next. That's where outlines come in handy when you have a tendency to want to place too many ideas in a paragraph all at once. The outline will be like a check-list. You can be sure that you've covered all of your thoughts by checking them off as they are presented to the reader.


"Being the bully he is, he threw the basketball at the back of my head. It hit me and knocked me down. I was close, oh so damn close to punching him. What kind of person throws a basketball at the back of someone’s head-which could GIVE THEM A CONCUSSION?! A coward, that’s who. People who try and hurt other people when their back is turned is a coward. Both of them will get what’s coming to them someday… at least that’s my hope. *Grins* (Note: PLEASE don’t think I’m taking away from my parents in this article. They are the best people on the planet because of everything they had to put up with. I LOVE my parents-I owe them a HUGE thank you. 33333333333333333333)

Omit the emoticon symbols.
Omit the parentheses
Don't change the color to pink OR light blue "Go Blue "
Do not use "heart" symbols, especially when they are being exaggerated. People won't take your words seriously.

Okay, these are important points to remember when writing an article. Also, do not use "text-speak" (Or IM speech) within your story. It makes the article look unprofessional. Since you are heading to college, it might be good to remember this when doing essays. Thus, b/c won't do -- the word "because" spelled out will do.


These are not all the paragraphs that need attention, but they give you a good starting point of what to look for as you read through your item for editing.

Also, there is no real transition from one school to the AIM School, that you loved so much. That is a good place to develop this essay/article. This way, the reader understands what the difference is between the schools. Compare and contrast. That is a great way to do essays, and it will come in handy when you get to college.


If you like emoticons and lots of color and emphasis, you can create a blog and add the your thoughts a bit at a time, each day, until your story is told. What happened in this grade ... etc. etc. This way, you can keep it more conversational, not worry about interjecting a thought in the middle of a paragraph or sentence and use all the emoticons you want.

Also, people get to comment after each post, if that's what you wish. Then you'll get feedback and know you are making good contact with your readership about the important points you are trying to make.

I hope this helps.

You are very brave and your story needs to be told, So don't get discouraged, keep at it.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch






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