Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. If this review was a review request, thank you for asking me and feel free to ask for clarification on any comment!
Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITLE, DESCRIPTION;: Interesting title and description, it pulled me into reading your story.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:: I enjoyed the ghostly aspect to this piece, it was quite chilling and very entertaining, although I'd have enjoyed just a few more details on the setting, sounds, smells, dress, etc.

PLOT; FLOW;: Interesting and well managed plot, I always enjoy Civil War stories, this piece was interesting throughout.
Flow is reasonably strong, it did hold my interest and had a logical sequence, but I think it could have been improved by a few more details, the main character's age and appearance for one. It was hard to really see her.

Characters, Dialogue:: I think adding details to both Ellie and your main character would add grater connection for readers, how are they dressed? Their age, what does main character feel, fear, hopelessness, urgency?
Dialogue you have is realistic and reads well. I'd like to see more between Ellie and main character, you could slip in details easily there as well. Particularly when Ellie first finds her.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:: Imagery you have is interesting, more small details to add visual connection would be helpful in pulling reader into story.
Emotion feels a little weak, see above.

Favorite Lines/Parts::
When Ellie finds main character- see, she needs a name!
Closing paragraphs, gave me chills.

SUGGESTIONS;:
A foul terrible odour stench...
A hint of main character or Ellie's actual age would help readers visualize them both better.
If main character only fainted, why did she need nursing through night and could eat only broth? More detail here would make strong reader connection.
Then everything went black. how about; The world around me turned black.

What is she feeling, expierencing in this blur of time, movement, flashes of images, sensations, ie; warmth, cold, dizzy? Pull us deep into her mind/experience.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;:

An excellent beginning to a story I think could be truly outstanding with a bit od editing and added thoughts.


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