Hello Kate,

I found your story "Invalid Item"  on the review a newbie page and the title caught my eye.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. I am simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your story was easy to read and follow. In my opinion, it did have a number of grammatical errors but I was still able to follow the story which I did enjoy. With some grammar work, I think your writing has a lot of promise. I can say this from experience as I have dealt myself with these issues in the past.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I feel "birthday Alex." Melody say as we walk" should be one sentence so I would replace the period with a comma. I think the tense is wrong as well, it should read Melody said as we walked
I think "I say and smile back at her." is the wrong tense also, I would say I said and smiled back at her.
I would also change the tense of "Mrs. Wagers was are teacher." to is our teacher.
I think women should be woman
I would change "Mrs. Wagers has begun." should read Mrs. Wagers begins.
"take a seat no and we will" remove the word no
"Unfortunately the only other desk was left was the empty one next to min." should read Unfortunately the only other desk that was empty,was the one next to mine.


Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .