Hello Stephanie,

I found your story "The Light"  on the review a newbie page and really enjoyed the read.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. I am simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
That was an amazing experience you had and regardless if it was a dream or not, your eyes had a brief glimpse of the glory of the place Jesus is preparing for us. I thought your story was well written and easy to follow. I did pick up on two things that I would fix in my humble opinion.

The sentence "As the years went on I think about this dream often."
The word went is past tense and the word think is present. I think you need to make them the same tense.

Present - As the years go on, I think about this dream often.
Past - As the years went on I thought about this dream often.

The sentence " Usually when people die is when it makes an appearance in my mind." doesn't seem to flow well for me. You could say the same thing by re-aranging the words to read:

It usually makes an appearance in my mind when people die.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I saw no problems with your writing mechanics or grammar

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .