Hello star,

I found your story "adriana's adventures"  on the review a newbie page and the title caught my eye.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. I am simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your story was easy to read and follow. I think it is a good story a child could relate to and has many possibilities as to where you could take these characters.

Grammar and Mechanics:
"Once upon a time there was a little girl named Adriana, she was 10 months old."
I would add an "a" between upon and time

"Adriana was the smartest kid ever, she could crawl, walk, sit up, talk ,and she would even do back flips when no one was looking.

"she had this special panda bear her name fluffy."
Capitalize She,replace this with a, and add a "d" to name
She had a special panda bear she named fluffy.

"well one Friday afternoon Adriana's mom star came home..."
Capitoline Well and Star

I saw no other problems with your writing mechanics or grammar

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .