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Review #4031585
Viewing a review of:
 Dancing With The Devil  [13+]
My entry for the newbie 100 word short story contest.
by darkmorning
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, darkmorning . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

I like the title of your story, but it gives away the ending a little bit. I feel like the last couple sentences would have a lot more impact if I didn't know from the beginning that the man standing before the main character was the devil all along.


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

In this story, the main character meets up with this charming man that has been following her. He wants to dance with her and she agrees to, only to see him change before her eyes into the devil. She isn't afraid even though she's dancing in hell with the devil. Instead, she's having fun. I definitely think it's an interesting idea because it isn't how you would expect someone to react to that situation.


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I think you did a good job of describing the scene as it unfolded. I can picture the charming man turning into the generic image of the devil and the two of them sharing a dance surrounded by fire in hell. It had a surreal feel to it because it went from being a normal scenario to being outlandish very quickly.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

I thought the phrasing of "I was stood before him" seemed strange as I was reading. I would just take the word "was" out of the sentence so it reads better. With such a short story, there's always more you'd want to know as a reader, like a little bit of information about the main character, but I think you did fine with the amount of words allotted.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

All in all, I enjoyed reading your story. I think you did a good job of writing a unique story with one hundred words. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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