%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4032037 |
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| A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum " [E]  ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy  This is review #3 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "  You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I am stopping in your port today because it has been ages it seems since I last did a review for you my friend. Where does the time go? In and out, here and there, with both of us traveling between sites, it is sometimes hard to connect. You never know which board on or the other of us is on. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.  Right from the get go, this was a hard piece to read. Red lettering is often hard on the eyes and makes it difficult for the reader, whether on paper or a monitor. The first suggestion I have is to transfer this to another color selection, blue or black, to make it easier for your readers.  With the extra spacing between lines, I would have to say that this was copied from another writing program. When that happens, copying from one program to another, an extra space set is often put between lines. The spacing detracts from the story by allowing the reader's eyes too much space to wander through and the reader can become distracted. I would suggest going back through and tightening up this piece by eliminating some of the extra space.  A question I have is how could those on the porch see the man approach, yet he could not see the porch for the trees? Somehow this is something I couldn't envision or see and I found it detracting from the story. I like how the adults all have their names, or roles, in capitalization as to show this is the name by which they are being referred by. This isn't simply who they are, it is the name by which you call them. This helps to show their importance to the story as well as to the voice of the story.The short sentences with which this is written actually showcase that this is more of a poem or prose, than a short story. Tightening up the lines by eliminating the extra spacing will help to showcase this and set it apart.I only noticed one small typing error. Other than that it appeared to be free of grammar, spelling and typo errors. The one incident I noticed was in one usage of the word road was spelled as rode. Overall, this was a sweet retelling of a family reunited in love and by the grace of God. This appears to be a personal piece that has great emotional ties sewn through each word and letter written. The strong memory that is shared is a personal one and hold great purpose.
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/28/2014 @ 8:31pm EDT