Initial hook and title: Hey I was looking for something to read on the Read a Newbie page and when I spotted this I wanted to read. I'm a gamer too so we're totally on the same lines!

What I liked:

This was a fun little piece with a lot of detail in which you relate to the reader exactly what is going on, how things are going down. You take the reader through a play-by-play scene where you are chasing this dude and trying to shoot him down while he's running and cheating. Then the punchline comes... hahahaha! How many times have I done this? Well too many. Ooops. The title makes complete sense now

I remember Red Faction but it's been a long while since I've actually played it. The most recent online game I've played I think is Diablo. You play anything else?

One thing I was wondering is that whether this is a story or something that actually happened? Just the way you write it that's how it comes across. I think you could put in that's it's experience or biographical or something in that case.

But thank you for sharing a fun read! It made me giggle.




Hope this helped!