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Given: Sep 1, 2014 at 1:52pm
Length: 910 Characters |
789 w/o WritingML
Happy Birthday WDC!
Powerful. It's so true though. I love how your message is so clear and not hidden behind so much imagery that it is hard to find. You did use beautiful images though, like the teddy bear and the doll that speak of lives torn apart.
I really enjoyed the rhythm and rhyme you had in your poem. It made it easy to read. there were no places where I stumbled in reading due to lack of punctuation or a break in a thought, but I would encourage you to use more punctuation in your poem just to add impact.
These are my favorite lines because, as I said, I love the story they tell:
...A torn teddy bear with only one eye,
a soiled doll that makes a crying sound,
their play areas only piles of rubble all around...
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