I'm going to be straightforward and say you've got a good plot and a good story growing, but you also have some errors. First, you changed tense and person a lot in this story. One time you're saying she then you're saying I, it kind of gets confusing. I would recommend you keep it simple by staying in third person and using past tense.

Second, I was really intrigued with the beginning with the mother running away with her child, but the long history lost my enthusiasm and you lost me by the end. Don't get me wrong, I loved all the history and world building you included, but it overcrowded the story and overwhelmed me. I would recommend you stick with the story of the mother running away and add the backstory through little remembrances here and there so to thin it out a bit and stretch the information over a longer time.

You have done some awesome world building in figuring out how everything fits together, but the hardest part is writing it all down. It takes some practice to get it right, so keep writing and you'll get better at it each time.

Write on!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .