Hello flowingwords,

I found your story "High school Love "  on the "review a newbie" link and really enjoyed its message.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. You don't have to agree with anything I am saying, I'm simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your story was a solid piece of writing that was very moving.

Grammar and Mechanics:
Capitalize School in your title

If I ever smell it I'm brought back to days of ...
You could keep the wording as it is or change "If I ever" to "Whenever". Either way, you need a comma after the word "it"
Whenever I smell it, I'm brought back to days of ...

you and I tangled up arms wrapped around one another.
I think you need the word "with" in this sentence
you and I tangled up with arms wrapped around one another.

High school love so rich and explosive , promising one moment then disastrous , poisonous, and diminishing the next.
Your commas need spaced correctly and I would add one after the word "moment"
High school love so rich and explosive, promising one moment, then disastrous, poisonous, and diminishing the next.

I saw no other problems with your writing mechanics or grammar

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) Despite the suggestions I made, I really liked your story and the mental images it created for me. You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .