A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

flowingwords

This is review #8 for "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I found this item by clicking on the Things To Do & Read tab on the left of the screen and selected Read a Newbie. This was one of the items on the page, and the title lured me in.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


To me this reads as if a poem cascading down the page. If I were to change anything, it would be the format to make this a poem.

YOU WROTE:
The fragrance I'll never forget . Soft and intoxicating at the same time. It made me crave you with insanity.If I ever smell it I'm brought back to days of you and I tangled up arms wrapped around one another. Fights of dominance with teasing and laughter. High school love so rich and explosive , promising one moment then disastrous , poisonous, and diminishing the next. Before you know it you're left with nothing but a beating less heart.

I SUGGEST:
The fragrance I'll never forget .
Soft and intoxicating at the same time.
It made me crave you with insanity.
If I ever smell it
I'm brought back to days
of you and I tangled up
arms wrapped around one another.
Fights of dominance
with teasing and laughter.
High school love
so rich and explosive ,
promising one moment
then disastrous ,
poisonous,
and diminishing the next.
Before you know it
you're left
with nothing
but a
beating less heart.

Just how I see this. Written as it is, there are some punctuation issues. No spacing between one sentence and the next in one instance. A comma not properly placed, it is far out from the sentence.

Overall the beauty of the piece is what had me giving it the higher rating. I see the poem trapped and struggling to emerge.

"Invalid Item"  "♥Bear Hugs Delivery Request♥"