Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Hello justwoody, I found your story "Invalid Item" on the "review a newbie" link and thought it was an enjoyable read. I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. You don't have to agree with anything I am saying, I'm simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful Overall Impression: Your story kept building my curiosity as to where it was going and what happened to little Oinky's leg. I like the fact you had a number of characters involved in the story. I wasn't so sure about some of your word choices, but after reading your portfolio, I see "English isn't your mothers tongue" (drasted, dervish, Believe you me). When I first started reading the story, I wasn't aware it was labeled comedy. That fact became more obvious as I neared the end of the story. I never would have imagined that was how ole Oinky lost his leg. This is one of the few comedy pieces I have read on this site, and it was one I really enjoyed. Grammar and Mechanics: I’d gingerly removed a pigeon s*** and sat down. I would drop the "a" pyjamas should be spelled pajamas I saw no other problems with your writing mechanics or grammar Suggestions: The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work. I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you Thank you for sharing your story. I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you Rozebud ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|