Hello justwoody,

I found your story "Invalid Item"  on the "review a newbie" link and thought it was an enjoyable read.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. You don't have to agree with anything I am saying, I'm simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
Your story kept building my curiosity as to where it was going and what happened to little Oinky's leg. I like the fact you had a number of characters involved in the story. I wasn't so sure about some of your word choices, but after reading your portfolio, I see "English isn't your mothers tongue" (drasted, dervish, Believe you me). When I first started reading the story, I wasn't aware it was labeled comedy. That fact became more obvious as I neared the end of the story. I never would have imagined that was how ole Oinky lost his leg. This is one of the few comedy pieces I have read on this site, and it was one I really enjoyed.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I’d gingerly removed a pigeon s*** and sat down.
I would drop the "a"

pyjamas should be spelled pajamas

I saw no other problems with your writing mechanics or grammar

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .