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Given: Sep 2, 2014 at 3:38pm
Length: 716 Characters |
708 w/o WritingML
A very pretty poem, light hearted and full of movement with words like 'fly' and sore [ spelled 'soar' in this context]
As I read, I felt punctuation would add a great deal to this piece, one is quite breathless after reading it aloud. Maybe commas after lines one and three, periods after lines two and four. Some areas need more then this as the rythm seems to change in places.
For me, the lines; 'When the heaveans let it pour' and My life so blessed' read a bit choppy, pour what? Maybe add some detail to them so they pull reader into feeling.
I would also capitilize the whole title for impact.
A poem with excellent potential, just needs a few more tweaks to fulfill all it's possibilities.
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You responded to this review 09/03/2014 @ 3:04pm EDT
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