Hiding a review instantly removes
it from your view. Public reviews that have been hidden are not displayed on
the public review listing page.
Given: Sep 2, 2014 at 4:18pm
Length: 1,031 Characters |
1,027 w/o WritingML
Your character comes across as a very laid back and contemplative person. A warm, friendly person it would be a pleasure to know. I enjoyed the story very much, but felt it needed some editing for long, run on sentences. Still, I like the contemplative tone of the piece. It was very inspiring.
Suggestions;
The sun shone warmly and gently' try;'The sun shone in gentle warmth.. delete down if you change this though.
removes one passive 'ly' word there.
Can you think of a different word than 'salty' for water? Adds a more varied description with salt in air.
'more closely examine' try 'examine closer' smoother flow.
'from this warmth' how about ' it's warmth spread throughout'
Your ending line packs a punch, but I felt more people could relate if it was an actual tangible object that inspired the feelings of hope and faith. I felt dissapointed no object was revealed because I couldn't picture a feeling as a bookmark, or left in a jar or pocket. Could just be me.
I did like the message this story sent.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
You responded to this review 09/02/2014 @ 4:33pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4034062
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 6:37pm on May 07, 2024 via server web1.