*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4034062
Review #4034062
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item  []

by A Guest Visitor
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Your character comes across as a very laid back and contemplative person. A warm, friendly person it would be a pleasure to know. I enjoyed the story very much, but felt it needed some editing for long, run on sentences. Still, I like the contemplative tone of the piece. It was very inspiring.
Suggestions;
The sun shone warmly and gently' try;'The sun shone in gentle warmth.. delete down if you change this though.
removes one passive 'ly' word there.
Can you think of a different word than 'salty' for water? Adds a more varied description with salt in air.
'more closely examine' try 'examine closer' smoother flow.
'from this warmth' how about ' it's warmth spread throughout'
Your ending line packs a punch, but I felt more people could relate if it was an actual tangible object that inspired the feelings of hope and faith. I felt dissapointed no object was revealed because I couldn't picture a feeling as a bookmark, or left in a jar or pocket. Could just be me.
I did like the message this story sent.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/02/2014 @ 4:33pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4034062