Beautiful.

Somehow, I think you need to change the name of this piece. I did find some commas missing, but we all do that. Commas, commas, commas.

he says that he has no where he has to be and would very much like to talk. I believe he needs to be capitalized.

Get rid of as many "that" and "just". These words are useless. I know we have to use them sometimes, but leave them off if not needed. Read out loud what you have written and drop them. You can see how clear your writing becomes.


Jesse offers her his hand, to walk and she notices there are terrible scars on his palms - This sentence needs to be reworked. Offers his hand to walk, and she notices......

Mary lay close to Sean holding her pillow, but there was no emotion other than indifference towards her as he got up and walked out (forever) to go to work. She could just curl up here as long as she wanted because she had nowhere to go. End it at "towards her." Start with He got up and walked out forever. Leave off to go to work.

Maybe rewrite this:
She grabbed her coat, flung open the door and walked out into the dreary Seattle morning. Mary looked up at those all-too-familiar Seattle gray skies. The tears were running down her cheeks and the soft rain caressed Mary’s face, joining in a melancholy duet, hiding her pain and suffering from anyone that may look her way as she walked along the street.

Mary looked up at the Seattle-gray skies as tears ran down her cheeks, caressing her face and joining in a melancholy duet. She hid her pain and suffering fro anyone who looked her way a she .......

That being said, you have written a beautiful short story. Keep up the good work as you can only get better!