I am here with a review of your poem, "Invalid Item"  Please keep in mind that the following comments are only my opinion as a fellow reader, writer and poet, and are offered in respect for your work with the intention of encouragement and constructive feedback.


This poem describes what makes a winner. At the core, it's simply determination that separates success from failure. You related this well, and it's very true that many of us lack the resolution and willpower and grit -- no, it's not that we lack it, it's that we don't cultivate, encourage and nurture it. It takes grit to stand up again after failure.

The message reached into me and touched the "true" button. And it also hammered on the "change" button! I am one of those who find it easy to give up, who prefer to take the easy road and therefore I face failure on a daily basis. However, recently I have been focusing on my goals one step at a time (instead of trying to change everything all at once) so I have tasted a little of the winning side as well. This poem inspired me to keep going, to keep struggling with my goals: to battle on writing a poem each day, even when I feel like skipping it "just for today", or studying longer even when I feel like doing it "tomorrow". The truth is, tomorrow is lie, a trap to make us give up today.

You have inspired me with your encouraging words.


The content has more importance to me than the poem as a work of art. There are two kinds of art: art for the sake of art (beauty), and art for the sake of portraying something that must be said (truth). When these two are mixed, I believe art is at its highest form. I think your poem currently fits more into the latter category, and I'm always a fan of thought-provoking works.


The emotion is one of humility (classing yourself with the losers) and admiration for the winners. The tone is down-to-earth, honest, realistic, and that inspires me. The rhyme structure is ABAB, with a variety of masculine and feminine rhymes, and although the rhythm isn't consistent all the way through, it flows well enough and focuses more on the message than the words themselves. Some of the rhymes, such as "change" and "arrange", and "difference" and "distance", stood out to me as being quite unique.


The poem really showed its quality towards the end, especially in the last stanza and the last line. I just enjoyed your general overview of the difference between winners and losers. You portray it in a realistic light, facing the reader with the choice to be his or her own winner or loser, depending on one's own attitude and actions.

Some favourite lines:

Everyday you wake up with a hope,
that today your life will change. Straight away I could relate to this. After all, it's me every morning.

And plans you try to arrange. Ah, me! Those resolutions and to-do lists. We all try, but we don't always succeed. Good intentions never got anyone anywhere.

'...there is always tomorrow', we say. Everyone says this to themselves, but in our guts we know it isn't true.

Blaming our own circumstances.
Because it's easier not to try. Making excuses, shifting the blame, shrugging away the consequences. It's better just to take responsibility for yourself and do your best...consistently.

losers will be many, and winners some. The determined few who make it to the end. This reminds me of the quote, "Opportunities are often missed because they are dressed in overalls and look like hard work."


It wouldn't hurt to work over the meter a little bit, just so it flows a little more smoothly.

Some say it's luck that they lack, Throughout the poem, you refer to the winners as "they" and the losers as "we" -- so when it came to this line, I assumed "they" referred to the winners (as usual) and was confused before I realised "they" was referring to the losers. Perhaps you could change something to clarify this?

losers will be many, and winners some. It's a great line, but poetically it could be cleaned up a bit. I mean, it's just screaming for "only" to be placed before "some" (or is that just me?). Also, consider replacing "and" with "but", just to draw the comparison more clearly.


I have enjoyed reading and reviewing your work, and I hope you find my comments useful. Thanks for sharing this poem with the community. Keep up the great work!

Fi



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .