author: morning dove
reviewer:Cobe

I found this on the "read a newbie" page and am reviewing it for the Sen. Mod Birthday Challenge. The description interested me so I thought I'd give you a few thoughts. Remember I'm just a writer like you, so take what you can use and ignore the rest.

In general - this is an interesting account of watching for a storm. I live in the south and tornado alley is something I have grown up with so I understand what you are explaining. This flows pretty well in a train of consciousness type thought and I enjoyed reading it.

I would have liked it to end a little differently though. Maybe with something relating back to the storm or how it ended that night.

I've made a few suggestions in a line-by-line edit. They are mainly punctuation errors and spelling corrections and a few ways to take out unnecessary phrases. I hope they help.



I was watching the storms that showed thier their face in our little town over the last few days which just happend to catch my attention rather easily this time since you've already told us that your watching the storms, you don't need to tell us this too. Maybe it was because all summer I had not heard our storm sirens warning us of bad weather until this past weekend.This I think is the wierdest weirdeststorms that I have seen since I move(d) up here back in the end of 2009(.) and I do have this to say iIt had the haair on my arms standing up and chills ran down my spine but yet the excitement level was up Again we don't need this information because you've shown us that your senses are heightened.. You may be asking yourself if I like watching storms and yea for a while I thought being a storm chaser would be fun(,) but I never took that route. I dont mind watching storms as long as no one gets hurt but unfortunately many people are not that fortunate(.) and my heart and prayers go out to the ones not so fortunate to survive them.

When the first storm came through(,) our town the thunder had made me jump(.) I just was not expecting it and then the lighting flashing flashed in the sky and then the storm siren going went off so I stepped outside to see how the sky looked(.) andThat's when the cold chills started. the way the clouds were boiling and how the trees in front of my apartment were swaying back and forth started to put a little fear in me. (paragraph) The sky was gray and then a little dark but not bad and then but some of the storm clouds looked as though they were just waiting to gang up together to start some and cause caos chaos. but as I looked around the house on all sides part was light with the sun shining then the gray clouds that were sitting still and then dark blue and then light on the other side of the house it just all seemed so strange and when I speak about light the sun was shining in those areas even though it was still rainng and rather windy. This needs broken down into smaller sentences. Maybe - As I walked around the house, the sun was shining on part of it even though the sky was dark above. It was an eery green color almost. Something not natural. As my neighbor and I were watching the ways the clouds and wind were going(,) a man rode by on his bike yelling that the town we live in is was going to be judged tonight and when somone made a comment about that message but I told him maybe he should take and read the bible.Which when I told him that he got cold chills along with the hair sticking up on his arms and necks(.) and bBoy I wish I would have had my camera on me cause the look on his face was a total shock when I said that. I am a person that does read the bBible(.) and no I don't have all the answers but I have seen many things including the light at the end of the tunnel(.) and I also saw an immage in the sky that looked like a baby that was wrapped in his mothers arms and I believe there was a reason for this.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .