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Review #4036993
Viewing a review of:
 A Dirty Fix  [13+]
..........
by ELRC
Review of A Dirty Fix  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello, ELRC . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

Nice title, it definitely caught my attention. I would suggest editing the description and adding something more about the poem instead of using full stops there. You could say that it's about love or lust or anything in between, as long as it's something that lets us know more about the poem itself before we dive into reading it.


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

This is a short poem about being hungry with lust. It's about being addicted to the feelings of lust with a particular poem. The narrator is the fix and the object of his/her affection is the addict. It's an interesting, but accurate way to put it.


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I'm so conflicted about this poem. I'll start with the things I did like about it. I liked the title and the general idea of describing a lustful encounter as being that of an addict needing a fix. It was interesting and a unique outlook on that situation.

The last two lines were great:

You, an honest addict
(And me, a dirty fix)

That was good writing, plain and simple. Loved it.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

Now on to the conflict. I wasn't feeling the first stanza at all. The last line especially just felt lazy "By mores and oh yesses and don't stops". I mean, I get what you're saying, it's about as subtle as a brick to the head. I think that's my main issue with it. I felt like it needed to be more subtle with smoother language. I feel like you can say it without saying it. I hope that makes sense.

That being said, it picked up in the second stanza. It seemed to take off by the last two lines of the second stanza and I started feeling the tone and mood. I loved the line, "Hungry with lust and something darker".


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

To sum it up, I really enjoyed the second half of the poem while the first have was much less my style. I think you can rework the first stanza and twist it into something awesome. I would suggest being more subtle and trying to build the tone earlier in the poem to catch the reader's attention straight away. Thanks again for sharing!



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