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Review #4037267
Viewing a review of:
 Life  [E]
Life is what you make it, but life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to.
by Care
Review of Life  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, Care . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

I like the title and description of the poem. It caught my attention and made me want to read more. I thought the description was interesting because it's true that life doesn't typically go the way we initially thought it would or maybe wanted.


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

I think everyone can relate to the outlook of the poem. Sometimes it feels like there are these inspirational thoughts about life and we're left on the sidelines going, "Are they living the same life I am?" *Laugh* Maybe they aren't! Life is hard work and complicated, as you said. There's nothing simple or easy about it. When it doesn't go your way, you have to find a work around and try to compromise with its demands. It's like negotiating with a terrorist!


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I liked all the specific examples you gave. Life isn't a fairytale. It's not a walk in the park. It's not a magnificent sunset. I agree with all those things. Nothing is so black and white in my opinion. I also like that you mentioned that life is always complex and changing. There is always room for improvement in every aspect of life. At the same time, I think there's always room for it to get worse as well.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

My biggest issue with the poem is the flow. There are some lines that are very short with only three syllables. Then there is one that is twenty-four syllables long. It completely breaks up the rhythm of the poem. I also think there could be some way to change up the phrasing instead of using "Life" to start every line. The "life is... life" parts seemed strange to me. I didn't feel that it worked well with the rest of the lines.

I'd also like to see a change up of the tone at some point in the poem. I like the basic premise of it, but there isn't any part that provides a change of voice or perspective. It could feel more full with a mood change near the end.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

Overall, I like the idea of the poem. I definitely think people will be able to relate to the perspective and understand where you're coming from with your beliefs. I think that the poem needs work with the phrasing and flow. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/11/2014 @ 8:56pm EDT
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