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Review #4037287
Viewing a review of:
 Do You... Introduction  [XGC]
Brice struggles with excessive drug use.
by M.H
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: XGC | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, M.H . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

I found this on the Read a Newbie page and thought I'd give it a look because I figured I could relate to it based on the description. I like the title, but I would suggest moving introduction into the description. Maybe have the title be "Do You" and then the description can say, "Intro to my story about Brice who struggles with excessive drug use" or something like that.


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

The main character in this one has definitely lived an interesting life. He has been moved back and forth between Norway and America for much of his childhood and he felt confused as a childhood after moving to the US and trying to understand English which was not his first language.

As many people do, he has fallen into the web of drugs. His DOCs are Ketamine, which is an anesthetic and heroin, which is an opioid. He is also prescribed Xanax, which is a benzo. Hopefully he doesn't do heroin and Xanax at the same time because he'd be getting some adverse reactions from mixing the two.


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I thought you did a good job of building an interesting character. I'd like to see more into his personality and who he is as a person. I'd like to see what got him into drugs in the first place. Most people try drugs of some sort and some point in their life, but there's something different that clicks with those who continue to do them past an experimental point.

If you continue the story and add more chapters, I'd like to see one on who he's hanging out with as he's getting more and more into the habit. I liked that he had experience going back and forth between two countries because it could partially explain the issues that he faced as a kid that would lead him to be accepting of this lifestyle.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

My only issue with this piece is that I feel like it's almost rushed to get all the information out there. It reads more like a character sketch where we get to know a little bit about Brice's past. As the first chapter of a book though, you could start it out with the first two paragraphs and then go straight into a more current situation. You can always come back and talk about his childhood, and you should, I just wouldn't "play all your cards" so to speak in the opening of the story.

We don't need to know each time he moved back to Norway and how he felt about Texas during the introduction. I'd minimize that and keep a little bit of the mystery in there about his past. I'd like to see more of Brice's personality and how he is currently living his life.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

I enjoyed reading this introduction and I'm interested to see where you end up taking it in the future. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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