Review number # 6 of week September 4-10, 2014

Hi Elle,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: As Night Descends

First Impression: The title in the font like that reminded me of the graffiti so frequently found in the city that at times is difficult to read. I felt it enhanced the poem reaffirming the dirt and ugliness that exists.

What I liked: That she is not asking for pity but showing what exists, making sure you see every thing clearly. There is no mistaking change is needed but where to begin.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it totally rocks as is. Well maybe blanketed inside of blanket but I know it would mess up the syllable count.

Favorite Parts: That the city boldly shows all of her vulnerability and does not attempt to point a finger in blame. It is what it is. Crumpled papers, crudely blanket gritty ground. The image of vapors slithering truly shows in lots of cities as night, I hate walking by the vents at night. I am never sure what I am really smelling. Sounds in a distance only emphasize the loneliness on the streets, and make your observations more vivid and lasting.

Overall Impression: Excellent portrayal of a city. I don't know enough to comment on the pome structure, I can only comment on what I like. It flowed really well when read out loud.. The visual images as I read were vivid and haunting. My heart felt for the city but like she declared proudly she did not want pity.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .