Hey, I came across this in "Read A Newbie" section, and the description pulled me. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.


I have always loved reading Haiku and Senryu. Since a lot can be said in such a few words in these Japanese forms, they can pack quite lot of punch. Your seryu is similar. It hints at the ideas and possibilities of dreams, and reflects the universal question of where do the dreams come from.


Traditionally, haiku and senryu follow 5-7-5 syllable count. Your first line has 4 syllables while other two meet the criteria. Although it is not necessary to stick to the syllable restriction, your poem just needs a "the" before dreams to make it traditional.

I also did not like the question mark in the last line. Following the question with another question you leave the reader grasping for more. In my opinion, an exclamation mark will be a better idea. Again, I'd like to point out that traditional haiku don't have punctuation.


These three lines make me want to think beyond and question my own dreams. So, I'd say you succeeded in your writing.


Thank you for sharing it.

Keep Writing!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .