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Review #4038845
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (3.0)
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Hello, Just Me . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

I like stories like this where there are so few words used but a full story is told. I especially like when they have a nice twist at the end.


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

I think this must be every parents worst nightmare. You finally get the kids out of the nest and suddenly they're back to mooch a little longer. *Laugh*


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I liked the ending. I thought the way the mom reacted was hilarious like, "Here, it's your brand new office!" Hey, I guess she could explain it by saying that the office was for when she was back from school and needed to study in a studious-type environment. That could work!

It's funny because she put so much effort into this new office only to have her new paradise shattered with seven words. Awesome!


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

My word count is showing that this is only thirty-five words. If it needs to be exactly fifty words as stated in the description, you have fifteen words to work with here. Fifteen words are so important in such a short story because you could add a little more detail, maybe about the mother's relief at having this awesome new office to do work in after pushing her kid to go to school or something.

I thought the first sentence was a little weird. The phrase "my college student" makes me think of something a professor would say instead of a mother. The saving grace is that she does start it off with, "Mom" so we know that she is the daughter. But, if you can go up to fifty words, you can make this a little more clear right from the start.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

I enjoyed reading your micro story. I thought the ending was especially funny. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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