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Review #4038879
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hello, prackick. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

I like the title because it gives us important information about who the poem is directed toward. I like the idea of it because there seems to be a little bit of a stigma with being a stepparent and it's nice to see a situation where that works out well and the person really takes an active role in being a positive influence in the person's life.


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

This is about the relationship between a family and the stepfather. You talk about how he loved your mother and was understanding and helpful when it came to your mental illness. It sounds like he took an active role in your life and treated everyone in the family well. He seems like a great guy.


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I like the entire mood of the poem. It's just positive and happy. It's great to see a relationship like this between family, whether they're family through marriage or otherwise. Most people don't have someone who is willing to take on their mental illness the way he did.

I also liked the small description of him at the end because it gives us an idea of what he looked like, but more importantly, the kind of energy he gave off to those around him.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

I'm not sold on the rhyme in this one. It has a very loose AABB rhyming pattern. The third and fourth line in the first stanza don't really rhyme, but the first two in the second stanza really don't rhyme. I feel like sometimes the rhyming makes certain words feel forced, like there would be a better, more imaginative or natural way to describe something, but it wouldn't rhyme, so you have to structure it in a different way.

An example of this in your poem would be when you say My mental illness, he took on faithfully. It just doesn't feel like a natural way to word that, but I like that part being involved in the poem. I think it's one of the most important parts, it's just the wording that seems slightly off.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

Overall, I enjoyed this poem quite a bit. Your stepfather sounds wonderful and this is such a nice poem to dedicate in his name for the things he has done for you. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/14/2014 @ 11:34pm EDT
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